May – Free Choice

An individual’s mental fortitude is always tested in the face of threatening situations. These are moments that are potentially harmful to the individual. It is an individual’s uncontrolled fear in such a situation that can hinder their mental strength and cause the individual to mentally breakdown. This process is seen in Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery” through Tessie’s reactions to the human sacrifice ritual. In the short story, “The Lottery”, Shirley Jackson portrays the idea that when an individual experiences a threatening situation, they may enter a state of mental chaos through their various attempts at trying to suppress their fear, which will ultimately devolve into utter denial once their worst fears become a reality.

 

Tessie attempts to cope with her fear of her name being picked in the lottery through humorous remarks in masking her internal fear. Initially, her fear is shown when she says, “Clean forgot what day it was today”, then followed up with soft laughter (Jackson 18). The gravity of the situation is not lost on Tessie: she knows the outcome of the lottery determines whether she will live, but must cope with it somehow. Forgetting the day is nearly impossible for Tessie, as the outcome of this day has major implications on Tessie’s life. Following this with a laugh proves that the nature of the above comment was to serve as a sort of joke to lighten the mood. Tessie’s state of fear is revealed through her persistent attempt to mask her fear. Humour is not appropriate given the circumstances. Humour also serves another purpose: comfort. Her attempt to seek comfort through humour is demonstrated when she laughs softly with a woman nearby. Ironically, the very people that Tessie is attempting to connect to may just be the ones who will kill her. Individuals will end up having illogical reactions when facing situations that are perceived to be threatening due to the underlying fear that they must cope with. Overall, this is not sustainable, as this method is far too passive in dealing with the situation. Eventually, humour and the associated comfort that come with it are not enough to help cope with fear, and the individual is forced for more explosive methods of dealing with fear.

 

Tessie turns to explosive rage when panic fills her since she is no longer able to suppress and mask her feelings of fear. This is demonstrated when all of a sudden Tessie shouts at Mr. Summers,“ You didn’t give him time enough to take any paper he wanted. I saw you. It wasn’t fair.”. Tessie begins to make excuses in order to change the situation in her favour since she knows her life has now become even more at risk now that the odds of her being picked increases. Humour no longer comforts her, and thus her paranoia over the lottery being fixed spikes. Evidence for this is that the amount of time taken to pick a paper should not matter since it is done at random; thus, her reasoning is invalid and illogical. She allows herself to be illogical since the ignorance of logic has become a way for her to keep her fear at bay. Notably, Tessie has sparked up by exploding at Mr. Summers after finding out her family was picked indicating that she is no longer able to control the panic bottled within her because the situation increased in intensity. Her paranoia extends to a level where she embarrasses her family and Bill, her husband, tells her to “Shut up”(Jackson 19). Bill is in the same situation as Tessie, but even he does not give consideration to Tessie’s claims. It’s Tessie’s overriding fear of being picked in the lottery that motivates her to actively try to avoid her greatest fear: being picked, which would signify death. This indicates that when individuals continue to get closer to the threatening situation their response changes and they take more of an active role in their situation. From this, Tessie’s state continues to develop and worsen causing a psychological meltdown, culminating in a complete loss of logic when her greatest fear becomes a certainty.

When an individual’s greatest fears of a threatening situation prove true, they lose their sense of reality and will go into a phase of continual denial. Tessie is in this situation at the end of the story when she is picked by the lottery system and is standing arms wide and says “ It isn’t fair. It isn’t right.” (Jackson 20). Tessie challenges the entire lottery system and attempts to convince the crowd to stop doing this because it is unethical. Based on the crowd’s attitude towards the lottery, this is a custom that has been practiced for quite a while.  Her statement is very illogical because for many years she had been participating in the lottery and not until she is picked does she voice the issue of fairness and ethics involved in the system. This is a demonstration of sheer denial of her fate, which was brought about after the very thing she feared most came true. At this point, her fear cannot be subdued. Tessie takes on a position of desperation when she is standing arms wide because it shows that she is pleading for them to listen to her as her last chance at survival. This act is characterized by its futility – there is nothing Tessie can do to avoid the fate that was chosen for her.  The people who are tasked with killing Tessie are the same people Tessie sought comfort from through the formation of connections when she first arrived. An individual will often feel powerless against the very thing that feeds their fear, much like how Tessie only thinks to beg the townsfolk to not kill her.

A fearful individual’s reaction to a threatening situation will be to deal with the situation in a passive manner, which will progressively become more active; when the individual’s worst fear becomes a reality, they will be overcome by a feeling of powerlessness. This progression can be seen in Tessie’s character as she first attempts to use humor to keep her fear in check, and then gives in to her paranoia when her family is picked. Ultimately, Tessie is left begging for her life after her name is picked. The shift in Tessie’s reaction to the possibility of being picked in the lottery can be generally seen in individuals, as an individual will become more and more active in trying to change the outcome of a threatening situation the more likely it is that their fear comes true. As such, it can be seen that coping with fear by preventing it from becoming a reality is not entirely plausible in the event that it does occur. Instead, an individual must deal with their fear directly – in Tessie’s case, this means challenging a system that has become enshrined in her town’s culture.

The Widow – April 2019 Free Choice

The Widow

I woke up one day and he was gone.

 

All my work. All the extra time I spent to make up for the lack of a father figure. All those days I went to sleep hungry so he could eat… all for naught. My son was gone without a trace. My throat begins to close, my breathing slows, my mind is in shambles. Just like when his father died.

 

Where did I go wrong?

 

Reminiscing about memories with Fahad; I remember some with explicit detail.

 

Fahad wanted to learn how to bake, so I prepared all the ingredients and materials necessary. When he got back from his fifth-grade class he explained how his school went and his proficiency in mathematics. I told him that we would bake cookies today, and he yelped in excitement. After we finished baking, I put the cookies in the oven and he said, “I did it… I made something”. The pride in his eyes were a sight to see: like gold medals that he earned and was showing off to his parents. Later that night, the cookies were finally done so I stretched out my palm to grab the cookies forgetting to put on gloves. Sssss!

 

 

“AHHH!” I shrieked while pulling my hand out instinctively to see a red swollen wound. Fahad burst out of his room and came over and held my arm is his hand and then put it against his face. He quickly called a taxi and brought me to the doctor to make sure it was fine. Now tears began to fall out of my eyes. The doctor prescribed medicated cream, but I already knew I was fine and the tears were tears of joy that he cared.

 

Another memory that came to me was when we got the flu simultaneously, we both had to lay in bed all day, but someone needed to do the daily chores and make food. Just as I struggled and hobbled my way to the kitchen to make food, Fahad was already there and in his hand were cookies, so he coughed, “This is all I know how to make, I hope it’s good enough”. Right then and there I embraced him forgetting all about how sick I was before or even that I was hungry.

 

Later that day, I told him to go back to bed and I started to make some soup knowing that it would help him and it was his favorite. I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of what had happened that morning when he made cookies so I wouldn’t have to cook something. When he woke up and saw the soup, he just smiled at me and says, “My favorite”. Just those words were enough for me to know how grateful he was and how much love he had.

The last memory I have is the day before he left. We got into an argument about Islam because Fahad no longer found any reason to believe in Islam. Furthermore, he believed that it was his decision because he was now 18 and was considered an adult. He said, “I can do what I want, I don’t need to listen to you”. For the first time in my life, I felt that he was slipping out of my hands, so I had to reprimand him. I raised my hand to give him a tight slap, but I found that arm was being bound by another arm. “Enough, It’s my decision”, Fahad commanded. Me not knowing any better, I said: “ If you don’t follow Islam, you aren’t my son”.

He ruthlessly replied with “Then so be it!” as he stormed out of the room. I just sat there on the ground and started crying. I couldn’t believe what had just happened, so I thought it would be best to leave him for the night and it would all be better in the morning. Come morning, however, he was gone.

 

As the last memory finished, I just sat there to realize that it had gone from early morning to mid-afternoon. I already missed two eating times, but I wasn’t hungry. As I continue to sit on the ground in Fahad’s room I feel a deep sinking feeling as if I was drowning. I had already gone through it once with his father, but Fahad was the one that helped me get out of the hole. Now I have nobody.

 

Nobody.

 

My life is completely ruined and I have no purpose anymore. I continue to wander the house looking for Fahad; no use. Finally, after many hours of crying and even thoughts of death, I pick myself up to begin cleaning the house. Even while cleaning, thoughts about Fahad kept swirling through my mind. By the time I stop to take a break from cleaning, I realize that it’s pitch black outside and that I clearly remember sweeping Fahad’s room. I stopped cleaning the house because it occurred to me that I had remembered cleaning the house multiple times. Without eating, I prepare to go to sleep. Instinctively, I end up checking Fahad’s room like I did every day when he was here. Laying my hands on his bed and made sure to clean up the mess in his room. There was no mess. After I remember that Fahad is gone I get to my room and climb into my bed. I cried myself to sleep that night.

 

The next day, the hunger became unbearable because I had skipped all of my meals yesterday. I made the usual food that I eat in the morning: eggs. The eggs burned a little, but I wasn’t concerned. I place down two plates – one in front of me and the other one next to me. Fahad and I used to eat like this. At the thought of him leaving, I put the other plate away and tried to eat my food. Slowly taking small nibbles, the food wasn’t getting any smaller. After too long, I quit eating and try to sustain my daily routines. I continue to follow my routine, but I keep doing the things I used to do for Fahad. I can’t control it. Nothing gets done for me because I lose focus and start wandering off into my memories with Fahad. The constant pain that I endure is eating me alive, so thoughts of just ending it quickly come to me. Thinking about death, I realize it may not be so bad compared to my situation now. Coming back to my senses all those thoughts leave my head and again, I try to focus on my work. Remembering that I need to eat I start cooking food. Suddenly, while I’m pouring the sizzling oil I think back about when Fahad baked cookies, which led to me spilling the oil on my hand. Ssssss!

“AHHHH!” I shriek. As the memory plays in my head, I look up to check if Fahad is there. Nobody. Even though he doesn’t show up, she still stays hopeful that he will come back and maybe he didn’t hear her. She continues to scream to indicate that she’s in pain while waiting at the door. Her voice becomes quieter and quieter until she crumbles on the doorstep.

Waiting.

 

Citations:
Featured image: https://giphy.com/gifs/siliconvalleyhbo-watching-goodbye-window-26BRuo6sLetdllPAQ

Image: http://www.gpb.org/everyday-baking-from-everyday-food